What a mess....

At this point, I have to assume that I don't have any followers... that's ok. I've been so unreliable with this blog that I don't expect anyone has stuck with me.

All through college and high school I used writing as a tool to deal with stress and to process all of the crazy things that were happening in my life. For the past few years, life has been relatively simple. Having McKoy's calming presence in my life is one of the great blessings in our marriage and something I appreciate in him every single day.

About a week ago I returned from a trip to SE Asia (which was wonderful!) only to find out about some major drama in my office which may result in a handful of us losing our jobs. I was not even remotely prepared to have to consider finding another job. In fact, after looking for new jobs over this past summer, I had decided to buckle down and commit to staying at IU until I finish my masters degree. And now, every day since I've been back has been consumed by various meetings reviewing procedures and processes within my office, handing over performance evaluations and defending my job. I am certain that I did nothing wrong in this situation, but rather that the structure is outdated and no longer serves the universities best interests- and I hope that is what will be found at the end of the inquisition.

In the meantime, I am trying my best to remain positive. It is surprising that the most challenging times seem to result in less panic than those smaller scale issues that can become to all consuming. To date, I've not yet been able to really consider what would happen if I lost my job, maybe that is just me denying the facts, but I'd prefer to think of it as my body's way of defending itself against the unknown outcome. I am not prepared to panic yet. I will try to remind myself that live is never what we plan- and that this is nothing less, nothing more, than a bump in the road to God's path.